Sorry if this thread has to be moved, just thought it might get more traffic in Miscellaneous.
I'll start with a joke I stole;
A woman died and went to heaven and stood before God, and she wept because she had died at the age of forty years old. God responded; "Why do you weep, child?"
"Because I wanted to live much longer."
So God said; "I am bringing you back to life and you shall live for another forty years!"
The woman was delighted with great joy and she woke up back in her body. Then she started preparing for another forty years of life, she lost 100 pounds on a diet, got botox and plastic surgery, was extra nice to her enemies, got a tummy tuck, etc...then six months later she was hit by a car and died.
When she got to heaven she was very upset and asked; "God, you said I could live for another forty years I don't understand?"
To which God replied; "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't recognise you."