Evolution, a Fairytale for Grownups

As a courtesy to the readers of this forum, this alert is issued when a severe variety of evo-babbler has been detected! The evo-babbler is not interested in serious, honest debate, but instead their ultimate goal, sub-conscious or not, is to waste your time. They inundate you with a conveyor belt of red herrings, strawmen, and trivial arguing over words. This alert will thus do a great service to both the owner of this forum, and the many readers from both sides of the debate who pass through.

An evo-babbler is usually someone trained at the alter of Talk.Origins, a web site that is a bastion of evo-babble that trains up little warriors of evo-babble, who go out with their new evo-babble rancor in hand and invade various discussion boards and web sites with, you guessed it, their evo-babble! It is very easy to identify and catalog an evo-babbler. Look for these top 10 classic symptoms to occur within the first few posts they make (note that it is not the substance of their argument, but how they argue that identifies them).

10) Ad hominem attack against you (such as calling you a liar) or attacking the person you are citing. Too common an occurrence to easily attribute to a Talk.Origins evo-babbler, so there is only a 30% chance you have an evo-babbler on your hands. You must look for other symptoms.

9) Has an insatiable appetite for red herrings. When you end up replying to two or more unrelated topics within your first response, there is an 80% probability you have an authentic evo-babbler on your hands!

8) Quibbles over trivial things (equivocation), such as a word in your post. This is good sign you have a genuine evo-babbler in your mist, and if it happens early and often, it rings in at an impressive 80% probability!

7) Reasons in a circle. The evo-babbler Mike Hager provided numerous examples during his perch in the guestbook, including this classic “Since the deity is unreal, it is clear that it could have created nothing.” Circular reasoning is common among evolutionists, so this one only rings in at 40% probability, so you must look for other signs to confirm the evo-babble disease.

6) Quick to invoke Occam's Razor and declare victory. A solid 75% probability you have an evo-babbler in your midst.

5) Fond of strawman arguments. This is actually prevalent among evolutionists who do not worship at the Talk.Origins alter, so you only have a 50% chance he/she is a genuine evo-babbler. Look for other symptoms to confirm the evo-babbler diagnosis. However, if the evo-babbler erected the strawman by putting words into your mouth, the disease has metastasized to stage 3 and you have an 85% probability the individual has been infected with evo-babble-itis!

4) Tries to get you to comment on what other creationists said in some other forum. About a 75% probability of evo-babble authenticity!

3) Claims you are quoting out of context. An all time Talk.Origins classic! 80% probability!

2) Asks you to quote from the proper scientific literature (i.e only pro-evolution literature). This brings a solid 90% probability you have a genuine evo-babbler on your hands!

1) And the number one sure sign – ballyhoos articles from the Talk.Origins web barracks, often with superficial knowledge of what the article says. Ironically they often do this after invoking #2 above, despite the Talk.Origins worship temple being fortunate to provide 1 scholarly article out of every 50! Also sure to be found in its wake is a ploy called elephant hurling, where they barrage you with a long and verbose list of citations in an attempt to sell the illusion they have weighty evidence. If they appeal to T.O. with their first post, it registers in at an impressive 80% accuracy! If they ballyhoo more than one reference to Talk.Origins in the same post, you have a dead-ringer evo-babbler at 99.98% probability!

When it is clear a bird-of-babble has landed and taken residence, the alert will be issued and the percher will be immediately dislodged! The percher’s post will be left intact so the audience can witness and revel at the scene of the evo-babble. The evo-babbler will immediately lose posting privileges, and if they use the forum to respond to the percher alert, will get their IP banned. They can only get reinstated by convincing me via email that they have thrown out their evo-babble auto-response handbook and are on the road to recovery!

This edict hereby goes into affect January 2nd, 2005.

Yours truly,
Fred Williams

Example Alert

WARNING, WARNING, THIS IS AN ACTIVATION OF THE EMERGENCY EVO-BABBLER ALERT SYSTEM.
THIS ALERT IS ISSUED WHEN A SEVERE CASE OF EVO-BABBLER HAS BEEN DETECTED.

EVO-BABBLE WARNING FOR...
ALBERTA CANADA...
CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES...
SOUTHEASTERN NOBLE COUNTY IN NORTHERN IRELAND...

AT 304 PM MST...AN ANGRY... MALCONTENT EVO-BABBLER WAS LOCATED NEAR
GUTHRIE...MOVING NORTHEAST AT 35 MPH.

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...

THIS IS AN EXTREMELY HAZARDOUS AND MIND THREATENING SITUATION. IF YOU
ARE IN THE PATH OF THIS VAPOROUS NONSENSE, ... TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY.
DO NOT SEEK SHELTER IN A PUBLIC SCHOOL. AVOID ANY COLLEGE PROFESSOR,
ESPECIALLY IF THEY DRIVE A VW BUS AND EAT TOFU.